I spent most of the day today thinking it was Saturday. It's the worst feeling when you realize it's the wrong day as inevitably it screws something up. This weekend was a rough one. The hubby had to work most of the time which left me as the main caretaker. It really makes me want to punch his job in the face.
So I'm a stay at home mom or home maker or whatever. It's probably the toughest job I've ever had to do. I have moments where I want to burst into tears or feel so bored that I might just parish or so busy that I can't think straight. It's a rollercoaster of emotions with an added dash of hormones to really bring you to your knees.
I love my daughter. She is amazing. She has changed so much in the short time she's been outside of the womb. I can see the gears shifting and how in each moment another connection is created in her brain. It's truly awe inspiring how we all started out like a little blob and then become this thinking, feeling, running and jumping person.
Sometimes its hard to revel in her growth. I get bogged down by all these things I tell myself that I'm supposed to be doing. The downside of being a home maker is that all the jobs you hate feel like your responsibility.
Maybe it's all the "should" thoughts that I really loathe. "I should be doing laundry...dishes...etc" It's really hard to turn off all these thoughts and just be present. Perhaps I'll add mindfulness to my goals for the year.
I'm kind of all over the place tonight. I think it's the byproduct of my tough weekend. I feel a little vulnerable and judgemental of myself. So let's focus on some positives I made dinner (another should) of baked chicken with stuffing and spinach. It was pretty good actually. I guess I'm progressing on my goals. I'm not sure if the whole less fat thing is working because I want to eat everything that's not tied down. How do you change endless hunger?
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