I sometimes wish there was a pill that would take away all of my insecurities. I'm sure the only downside is becoming an ego maniac. Tit for tat right?
It's been said that you are your own worst critic. And a truer statement has never been spoken. I'm pretty sure the people I've met with the best hearts are the cruelest to themselves. I would count myself as one of them.
Sure I can gossip and be sarcastic but I am also incredibly caring and compassionate. I pride myself on my ability to listen to others while withholding judgement and on a good day advice too. What can I say I not perfect but I spend a lot of time trying to be.
As of late I can tell this inner critic is creeping in to poo on all my fun. It tells me I'm a mean jerk when in reality I probably put my foot in my mouth a little (like just the pinky toe) instead of the whole thing including the wool sock.
For instance, I had a lovely visit today. But do I focus on the overall pleasantness of my time spent with another person. NOOOOOooooooo of course I don't. My brain would rather remind me of all the anecdotes I repeated or annoying opinions I shared with my companion.
I am such a jerk to myself. I would never do this to someone else but here I am scalpel in hand dissecting every morsel of conversation. It's exhausting. I'm trying to use some skills to distract from this need to ruminate.
It's probably why I started this blog. I want to keep some sense of perspective while having the illusion of accountability.
Are you your own bully? How do you treat yourself with kindness?
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Who's got a case of the Mondays?
I can't believe the weekend is over. I might just want to cry. The hubby didn't have to work and we had extra hands as my in-laws came to stay.
You would not believe the stuff I got done. I cooked a meal for ten people, organized my papers and started a filling system. I slept so much that I almost feel normal. I went out on a date with my guy. Wow! Seriously wow!
It's times like these that I feel so optimistic and positive. I wish I could hold onto the feeling and keep up the momentum but the days get long and lonely. It's hard to keep on truckin when you are taking care of an infant.
Tonight I'm baking. I very rarely bake anything. I think it's because I live on the savory/salty side of life. Everybody needs a little sweet sometime. So tonight it's Lemon Blueberry Cake. The recipe is adapted from a Blueberry Cake recipe from the Student's Vegetarian Cookbook by Carole Raymond. I have the 1997 edition but there is a newer revised edition from 2003. I doubled it, added lemon zest, and topped with a lemon glaze
I cooked it for 35 minutes and it was golden brown on top but still raw in the middle. Boo! So I put it back in for another 7 minutes and lowered the temperature to 300 degrees. I think I could have probably left in there at 350 for 5 more minutes and it would have been okay. I used a glass casserole dish which probably had some impact on how the cake baked.
***Update January 29, 2015: I did some research and if you use a dark metal pan or glass dish lower the temperature by 25 degrees. So I made a second cake and baked it at 325 degrees for 40 minutes. It turned out perfectly.****
The cake was quite yummy. It's more fresh and light than a traditional cake. My hubby said it had nice citrus flavor and tasted almost good for you. What more can you ask for?
Cat Lady Lemon Blueberry Cake
3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk or soy milk (not sure how almond or coconut milk bakes)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries rinse, thawed and drained
1 lemon zested
Lemon Glaze
3/4 cup powdered sugar
3 to 4 tablespoons lemon juice
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
1. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt.
2. Add the milk, lemon zest and oil; mix until the batter is smooth.
3. Pour the mixture into a lightly oiled 9 X 12-inch baking pan. ( I used a glass baking dish.)
4. Sprinkle the berries on top
5. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until the top is golden and the middle is cooked.
6. Let rest for 5 to 10 minutes.
7. Mix powdered sugar and lemon juice in a bowl.
8. Drizzle mixture on top of cake with a fork or spoon and serve.
You would not believe the stuff I got done. I cooked a meal for ten people, organized my papers and started a filling system. I slept so much that I almost feel normal. I went out on a date with my guy. Wow! Seriously wow!
It's times like these that I feel so optimistic and positive. I wish I could hold onto the feeling and keep up the momentum but the days get long and lonely. It's hard to keep on truckin when you are taking care of an infant.
Tonight I'm baking. I very rarely bake anything. I think it's because I live on the savory/salty side of life. Everybody needs a little sweet sometime. So tonight it's Lemon Blueberry Cake. The recipe is adapted from a Blueberry Cake recipe from the Student's Vegetarian Cookbook by Carole Raymond. I have the 1997 edition but there is a newer revised edition from 2003. I doubled it, added lemon zest, and topped with a lemon glaze
I cooked it for 35 minutes and it was golden brown on top but still raw in the middle. Boo! So I put it back in for another 7 minutes and lowered the temperature to 300 degrees. I think I could have probably left in there at 350 for 5 more minutes and it would have been okay. I used a glass casserole dish which probably had some impact on how the cake baked.
***Update January 29, 2015: I did some research and if you use a dark metal pan or glass dish lower the temperature by 25 degrees. So I made a second cake and baked it at 325 degrees for 40 minutes. It turned out perfectly.****
The cake was quite yummy. It's more fresh and light than a traditional cake. My hubby said it had nice citrus flavor and tasted almost good for you. What more can you ask for?
Cat Lady Lemon Blueberry Cake
3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk or soy milk (not sure how almond or coconut milk bakes)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries rinse, thawed and drained
1 lemon zested
Lemon Glaze
3/4 cup powdered sugar
3 to 4 tablespoons lemon juice
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
1. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt.
2. Add the milk, lemon zest and oil; mix until the batter is smooth.
3. Pour the mixture into a lightly oiled 9 X 12-inch baking pan. ( I used a glass baking dish.)
4. Sprinkle the berries on top
5. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until the top is golden and the middle is cooked.
6. Let rest for 5 to 10 minutes.
7. Mix powdered sugar and lemon juice in a bowl.
8. Drizzle mixture on top of cake with a fork or spoon and serve.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
It's Caterday
It's a miracle. I feel almost like a new person Thirteen hours of uninterrupted sleep will do that for a girl. I'm still a little tired and rumpled but overall much better.
The little one is starting to interact a bit more. We have this awesome book called Kitty Tails (you can still find it online.) It's bright and crinkly. She loves it. Her eyes boing out everytime I turn the page. I gotta say it really makes me giggle.
Last week was a real struggle. I am glad that it's over. It's hard to be creative let alone function when you feel completely tapped. I hope this weekend brings a much needed reprieve.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Blabber blab blabby blab
Yesterday I made Turkey Meatball Soup. It was delicious! I would highly recommend it for a quick dinner. We had enough for 4 large servings. Here's a link to the recipe: Weeknight Bite's Turkey Meatball Soup
It would be pretty simple to modify this recipe should you not live near a Trader Joes. The Mirepoix is roughly a pound mixture of carrots, onion and celery. In my mind it looked like a small/medium yellow onion, 3 large carrots and 3 celery stalks. By the time I wrote this the bag of cabbage was already in the garbage so I don't know the ounces. I think you could easily substitute a bag of coleslaw mix or 1/4 head of cabbage.
I don't have a lot to add. I am way tired. Fortunately the hubby doesn't have to work through the weekend. As a bonus my in-laws are coming for a visit and my niece and nephew have a birthday (they're twins.) So it will be busy but tons of family fun.
I watched The Taste tonight and was inspired to make a Sesame Snow Pea Salad. I followed a recipe but I thought it was bland so I doctored it up. Soon my salad had shredded carrots, tons of green onions (I'm addicted) and a lot more sesame seeds. For the dressing I added more soy sauce, rice vinegar and sesame oil. Then it tasted sort of gross. Oops! So I in went honey, orange juice, garlic and fresh ginger. I think it turned out pretty darn good. Hopefully I'll make it again. When I do I'll post it here with measurements. Just in case that never happens here is a similar recipe Cooking.com's Sesame Dressing.
It's super late but I need some more ME time. It's time to watch The Fall on Netflix. You should stop reading this and watch it. It is so flipping good. First off there's Scully aka Gillian Anderson. She's a detective trying to find a serial killer. The show reminds me a bit of Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren. Probably because Mirren's character is a seriously tough cookie just like Anderson. I absolutely love British Detective shows. I should really rewatch Prime Suspect and Wire in the Blood too. It's been forever. Seriously, it was so long go there was no Netflix, online streaming, just live Masterpiece on PBS.
Until next time. Eat your veggies.
It would be pretty simple to modify this recipe should you not live near a Trader Joes. The Mirepoix is roughly a pound mixture of carrots, onion and celery. In my mind it looked like a small/medium yellow onion, 3 large carrots and 3 celery stalks. By the time I wrote this the bag of cabbage was already in the garbage so I don't know the ounces. I think you could easily substitute a bag of coleslaw mix or 1/4 head of cabbage.
I don't have a lot to add. I am way tired. Fortunately the hubby doesn't have to work through the weekend. As a bonus my in-laws are coming for a visit and my niece and nephew have a birthday (they're twins.) So it will be busy but tons of family fun.
I watched The Taste tonight and was inspired to make a Sesame Snow Pea Salad. I followed a recipe but I thought it was bland so I doctored it up. Soon my salad had shredded carrots, tons of green onions (I'm addicted) and a lot more sesame seeds. For the dressing I added more soy sauce, rice vinegar and sesame oil. Then it tasted sort of gross. Oops! So I in went honey, orange juice, garlic and fresh ginger. I think it turned out pretty darn good. Hopefully I'll make it again. When I do I'll post it here with measurements. Just in case that never happens here is a similar recipe Cooking.com's Sesame Dressing.
It's super late but I need some more ME time. It's time to watch The Fall on Netflix. You should stop reading this and watch it. It is so flipping good. First off there's Scully aka Gillian Anderson. She's a detective trying to find a serial killer. The show reminds me a bit of Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren. Probably because Mirren's character is a seriously tough cookie just like Anderson. I absolutely love British Detective shows. I should really rewatch Prime Suspect and Wire in the Blood too. It's been forever. Seriously, it was so long go there was no Netflix, online streaming, just live Masterpiece on PBS.
Until next time. Eat your veggies.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
It's only Tuesday.
I can tell I'm pretty much about to lose my mind. I'm trying to prevent that by writing here. I think I need to do something else too.
The baby cries whenever I set her down. It sucks. Thank the heavens my Mom came over today to rescue me. I had these grand plans for rearranging things and cleaning. Instead I napped for 5 hours. After how many hours does a nap change to just sleeping?
I feel remotely better. The house looks like a disaster area. It's driving me nuts. I'm having one of those I want to throw out everything I own mixed in with I hate my clothes and nothing fits days. It's really not a good thing.
Here's hoping tomorrow is better.
Monday, January 19, 2015
It Gets Better
Overall I feel sort of hum-drum. I'm still sorting out this whole I'm an adult and fully responsible for another human thing. The motto for parenthood is "it gets better."
Babies start sleeping more. It gets better. They start laughing and smiling. It gets better. Then the walking and talking. It continually gets better. It's pretty much our rally cry and way to support each other because sometimes it's seems endless.
The days and night blend into each other. Soon 3:00 am seems like a great time to catch up on emails because God only knows when this baby is going to sleep again. I have two hands free I could probably shower too....oh wait she's crying because I set her down. Shit. Nevermind.
We've reached the 3 month mark but it's really 2 months as she is a preemie. I sort of feel like this kid is a genius. I know, I know every parent thinks that way. Honestly though she's brilliant. She can hold up her head and move it around with purpose. She can smile and the giggles are starting too. Sure they are intermittent but these are the things that keep us going on 4 hours of sleep. It's amazing. If I had the time to read the books I'd probably realize she is right on schedule.
I was able to squeeze in some daily chores and readied the announcements for the mail. Tomorrow fingers crossed a shower and if I am so bold creating an office in my china hutch or rearranging our bedroom. The reality is I will probably do dishes and hold the baby.
I thought I should include my recipe for last nights dinner and the leftover-makeover I had for lunch today.
Baked Chicken Breast
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Place chicken breasts in a glass casserole dish.
Put a little oil on top of the chicken and use a pastry/barbeque brush to smear around until the chicken is coated.
Flip and repeat.
Sprinkle seasoning on chicken. I used salt, sage, thyme and rosemary. Pat seasoning onto breast.
Flip and repeat.
Bake for 18-25 minutes until chicken is not pink/170 degrees
Remove from oven and let rest for 10 minutes (if you have the patience)
Add the sides you want. I recommend a steam in bag veggie and some kind of starch like rice.
Leftover-Makeover Soup
We had one chicken breast leftover from dinner so today I made some soup.
4 cups Chicken Broth or I used low sodium bouillon (follow directions on container to make 4 cups)
4 ounces thin rice noodles
1 sliced leftover chicken breast seasoned
I just threw in the veggies I had on hand and didn't really measure. I based it on what looked like good mixture but my guess is as follows:
Approx 1/2-3/4 cup spring onions
Approx 1/2-3/4 cup shredded carrots
Approx 1/2-3/4 cup snow peas
Bring chicken broth to boil. Add rice noodles and stir. Cook until done (about 2 minutes.) Then add chicken breast, spring onion, shredded carrots and snow peas. Stir. Cook 3 more minutes. I like my veggies still crunchy. You could cook longer if you want. And should be ready to serve.
Makes for a simple and fast homemade lunch.
You could really use any tasty mix of veggies on hand. Try cabbage, edamame, or broccoli.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Oh snap! It's Sunday
I spent most of the day today thinking it was Saturday. It's the worst feeling when you realize it's the wrong day as inevitably it screws something up. This weekend was a rough one. The hubby had to work most of the time which left me as the main caretaker. It really makes me want to punch his job in the face.
So I'm a stay at home mom or home maker or whatever. It's probably the toughest job I've ever had to do. I have moments where I want to burst into tears or feel so bored that I might just parish or so busy that I can't think straight. It's a rollercoaster of emotions with an added dash of hormones to really bring you to your knees.
I love my daughter. She is amazing. She has changed so much in the short time she's been outside of the womb. I can see the gears shifting and how in each moment another connection is created in her brain. It's truly awe inspiring how we all started out like a little blob and then become this thinking, feeling, running and jumping person.
Sometimes its hard to revel in her growth. I get bogged down by all these things I tell myself that I'm supposed to be doing. The downside of being a home maker is that all the jobs you hate feel like your responsibility.
Maybe it's all the "should" thoughts that I really loathe. "I should be doing laundry...dishes...etc" It's really hard to turn off all these thoughts and just be present. Perhaps I'll add mindfulness to my goals for the year.
I'm kind of all over the place tonight. I think it's the byproduct of my tough weekend. I feel a little vulnerable and judgemental of myself. So let's focus on some positives I made dinner (another should) of baked chicken with stuffing and spinach. It was pretty good actually. I guess I'm progressing on my goals. I'm not sure if the whole less fat thing is working because I want to eat everything that's not tied down. How do you change endless hunger?
So I'm a stay at home mom or home maker or whatever. It's probably the toughest job I've ever had to do. I have moments where I want to burst into tears or feel so bored that I might just parish or so busy that I can't think straight. It's a rollercoaster of emotions with an added dash of hormones to really bring you to your knees.
I love my daughter. She is amazing. She has changed so much in the short time she's been outside of the womb. I can see the gears shifting and how in each moment another connection is created in her brain. It's truly awe inspiring how we all started out like a little blob and then become this thinking, feeling, running and jumping person.
Sometimes its hard to revel in her growth. I get bogged down by all these things I tell myself that I'm supposed to be doing. The downside of being a home maker is that all the jobs you hate feel like your responsibility.
Maybe it's all the "should" thoughts that I really loathe. "I should be doing laundry...dishes...etc" It's really hard to turn off all these thoughts and just be present. Perhaps I'll add mindfulness to my goals for the year.
I'm kind of all over the place tonight. I think it's the byproduct of my tough weekend. I feel a little vulnerable and judgemental of myself. So let's focus on some positives I made dinner (another should) of baked chicken with stuffing and spinach. It was pretty good actually. I guess I'm progressing on my goals. I'm not sure if the whole less fat thing is working because I want to eat everything that's not tied down. How do you change endless hunger?
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Zzzz
I could really use some sleep. My guess is about two to three weeks worth would probably get rid of the bags under my eyes and brighten up my memory and vocabulary. I have never forgotten so much in my life. It doesn't even phase me that I can't remember the name for smallpox even though I described it to others as chicken pox but smaller. Come on neurons fire fire fire!
Neurons are in the brain right. I should probably Google it but that requires work. Meh.
Friday, January 16, 2015
F is for Frieday Chinese Food
Don't you just love January? It's cold and windy and miserable. Then you add the onslaught of dieting and fitness commercials and it's basically a pipe bomb of self-destruction. Oh wait...is that just me?
Someone somewhere said diets don't work. I've proven that to be true. So what's a girl to do? My goal (because New Year's Resolutions are so last year) is to be a little less fat and of course that feels pretty much impossible right now. It's like 45 below zero and I have a baby surgically attached to my hip. (It might actually be easier if she was because then I'd have my hands free.)
I want to set some (insert air quotes) goals but I'm pretty terrible at the kinds that involve food. The minute I decide what I won't eat my mind lasers in on that food. Then like a bad song on repeat the thought keeps playing until I devour said food.
Okay seriously, as I write this I am digesting chicken wings and fried rice (said forbidden food) conveniently delivered to my door. However tasty I'm pretty sure it doesn't help me with the whole being less fat thing I'd like to work on.
Usually the whole New Years schtick is set on the tried at true scientific procrastinators theorem which is a follows
(Good Intentions + Netflix + Snacks) x Tomorrow = Nope
Or as a word problem
Katie wants to spend 2015 working on being an amazing parent and losing some pounds. Suddenly January is over and few things have changed. In February, the month of lurve, she eats chocolate. Conveniently the same month Game of Thrones is on Netflix which she watched in moderation (snicker.) Suddenly Katie realized it's March which is practically Spring so she then waited until April (insert Easter and add more chocolate) to consider her life changes. Does Katie really batten down the hatches and start thinking about these (insert air quotes) goals or does she make popcorn and wait for 2016?
So I'm thinking that instead of a grandiose goal that leads to another year feeling unchallenged and unchanged that perhaps it's time for a itsy bitsy teeny speck of an idea. Basically, I will try... dun dun dun
(dramatic pause)
cooking from scratch. I should clarify I will not be making pasta and there will be cans and jars involved but no spray cheese. I am not Martha or Julia but I can follow a recipe. Basically it's cheaper and hopefully tastier with less additives. I think it's realistic minus the temptation of Chinese food delivery which is a miracle of the modern age.
We shall see. I think 2015 will be a year of stuff or something.
Someone somewhere said diets don't work. I've proven that to be true. So what's a girl to do? My goal (because New Year's Resolutions are so last year) is to be a little less fat and of course that feels pretty much impossible right now. It's like 45 below zero and I have a baby surgically attached to my hip. (It might actually be easier if she was because then I'd have my hands free.)
I want to set some (insert air quotes) goals but I'm pretty terrible at the kinds that involve food. The minute I decide what I won't eat my mind lasers in on that food. Then like a bad song on repeat the thought keeps playing until I devour said food.
Okay seriously, as I write this I am digesting chicken wings and fried rice (said forbidden food) conveniently delivered to my door. However tasty I'm pretty sure it doesn't help me with the whole being less fat thing I'd like to work on.
Usually the whole New Years schtick is set on the tried at true scientific procrastinators theorem which is a follows
(Good Intentions + Netflix + Snacks) x Tomorrow = Nope
Or as a word problem
Katie wants to spend 2015 working on being an amazing parent and losing some pounds. Suddenly January is over and few things have changed. In February, the month of lurve, she eats chocolate. Conveniently the same month Game of Thrones is on Netflix which she watched in moderation (snicker.) Suddenly Katie realized it's March which is practically Spring so she then waited until April (insert Easter and add more chocolate) to consider her life changes. Does Katie really batten down the hatches and start thinking about these (insert air quotes) goals or does she make popcorn and wait for 2016?
So I'm thinking that instead of a grandiose goal that leads to another year feeling unchallenged and unchanged that perhaps it's time for a itsy bitsy teeny speck of an idea. Basically, I will try... dun dun dun
(dramatic pause)
cooking from scratch. I should clarify I will not be making pasta and there will be cans and jars involved but no spray cheese. I am not Martha or Julia but I can follow a recipe. Basically it's cheaper and hopefully tastier with less additives. I think it's realistic minus the temptation of Chinese food delivery which is a miracle of the modern age.
We shall see. I think 2015 will be a year of stuff or something.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
I'm pretty sure my cats and baby are the masters now
The miracle of life is really about surviving the miracle of life. The last three months have been a blur of diapers, bottles, breastfeeding (attempting too....don't get me started) and occasionally sleep. Our daughter was 1 month early and considering how miserable I was during month 9 it was sort of a blessing that she came early. Of course it's easy to say that now because we survived Hellp Syndrome, an emergency caesarian, and bringing home a 3 lb 15 ounce baby. I mean talk about tiny. There should seriously be some sort of permit or test or background check by the FBI required to bring home something that small.
She's much larger now and more opinionated. It's really quite shocking how big a baby can get in 3 months. How big you ask? How that heck should I know! I don't even know when I showered last. It's true I don't. I should be mortified but I don't stink so it's a win-win as far as I'm concerned. Anyway I digress, I know she's at least 10 lbs or more and that her head has got to be at least 5 lbs because it hurts like hell when she smacks into my chin with it.
As I'm trying to type this cat #2 is walking back and forth on my lap to remind me that he needs dinner. That is one thing I will never forget...they won't let me. These cats are not subtle. I have the scratch marks to prove it. We feed them 3 times a day. So it's not like they are starving, of course if they could speak I'm sure a profanity filled argument would commence in which they staunchly disagree with me.
So in these first 3 months of parenthood I've learned that my cats and baby, in that order, are the masters now. I am here to do their bidding and sometimes I enjoy it.
She's much larger now and more opinionated. It's really quite shocking how big a baby can get in 3 months. How big you ask? How that heck should I know! I don't even know when I showered last. It's true I don't. I should be mortified but I don't stink so it's a win-win as far as I'm concerned. Anyway I digress, I know she's at least 10 lbs or more and that her head has got to be at least 5 lbs because it hurts like hell when she smacks into my chin with it.
As I'm trying to type this cat #2 is walking back and forth on my lap to remind me that he needs dinner. That is one thing I will never forget...they won't let me. These cats are not subtle. I have the scratch marks to prove it. We feed them 3 times a day. So it's not like they are starving, of course if they could speak I'm sure a profanity filled argument would commence in which they staunchly disagree with me.
So in these first 3 months of parenthood I've learned that my cats and baby, in that order, are the masters now. I am here to do their bidding and sometimes I enjoy it.
Can haz baby?
Greetings all,
Welcome to my stream of consciousness. I'm a 35 year old Momma of two cats and a 3 month old baby. Parenthood is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Having two hands available to type is a small miracle in itself. I really should be doing laundry or dishes but if I don't write I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my mind.
Welcome to my stream of consciousness. I'm a 35 year old Momma of two cats and a 3 month old baby. Parenthood is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Having two hands available to type is a small miracle in itself. I really should be doing laundry or dishes but if I don't write I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my mind.
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